STRAP ON THAT FEEDBAG, CLOWN

How's your Halloween so far?

Halloween mugshots

Got a new post up at Arresting Tales, just in time for Halloween weekend:

Costumed, drunk & in custody

Mugshot hilarity featuring some former Freak of the Week candidates and Johnny Pumpkinhead.

Have a good weekend. And, just to put everyone in the right mood, here's a little witchy somethin' for ya:

Just in time for Halloween!

Howdy folks! Sorry it's been quiet around here lately.

There's a new post up over at Arresting Tales, just in time for Halloween!

Halloween safety tips for kids, with helpful video

Here are some of the tips:

1) Don't go inside the house where that self-employed birthday clown lives. You know the one--he smells like stale laundry, cigarettes, and something else you just can't put your finger on.

2) Don't visit the house where that creepy security guard lives. He's got a mustache that won't quite fill in and some weird glasses that look a little too big for his head. He lives in his mom's house, in a special room in the basement. He might try and convince others that he's in law enforcement, but you know better...

There's also a trio of public service videos.

Later, alligators.

That reminds me...

It may not be hunting season yet, but it's never to soon to show off your pelt.

Do some good this weekend

It's time for the Chicago Marathon!

I've run in three of them, and it's an amazing experience. Two of my friends are running this year to raise money for charity, and if you have a moment check out their donation sites and throw them a couple dollars. Honestly, donating online is incredibly easy, and how many chances do you get in this life to do a little good while you're still sitting around in your bathrobe eating cheetos?

Many of you already know Amy Guth through Bigmouth Indeed Strikes Again or her literary blog Chicago Subtext at Chicago Now. She does volunteer disaster response work for the Red Cross, and she's running to raise money for them.

Please check out her fundraising page here.

I ran my very first marathon with Patrick Sheehan, and I slowed him down horribly. I owe him. He's a detective in a nearby department. He's a good guy from a good family, and he and his sister are running with Team in Training, to raise money for leukemia and lymphoma research.

Please check out his fundraising page here.

TRUE AMATEUR PORN!

Check this out, true amateur porn!

Here are the girls, "true amateur models" Dallas and Ashlyn, at the start of their photo shoot:



So, how can you tell these girls are "true amateurs", and not just a couple of jaded small-time pro porn starlets? Check out this next photo and see if you can spot what marks this as a "true amateur" shoot:








Yes, you can tell it's "true amateur" porn when there's no wardrobe budget, and the talent shows up wearing menstrual blood-stained jeans:



Truly amateur, and classy!

Big in Japan

Know what's big in Japan?

The raccoon dog:



And Colonel Sanders wearing a kimono, with watermelon:



That's what's big in Japan.

Now go on 'bout ya bidness.

TOPLESS GIRLIE SHOW!!!!!!!!! *

* with chipmunks

Thank you, Frieda Bee. You are truly a woman of many talents.

Best blog post headline in weeks

And here it is, courtesy of the always entertaining Mock, Paper, Scissors:

Teabagging furry on the way to D.C.

I'm a little jealous that the pairing of "teabagging" and "furry" did not occur on this blog first.